OKAY Randomness!
by Hidden-In-Darkness
Summary: Randomness in a story form! Here's goes everything! It's starts off with poor old Neji... and then adds the colorful cast we all know and hate to love! Can't a person just get some alone time? Couldn't think of a title, that's what I got. I suck at titles
1. The Walk Home

HERE GOES MY FIRST CRACK FIC WITH ONLY MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS! All my other crack/complete insanity fics had everyone. Okay they'll be some characters I just like to make fun of as well! Some are in both categories! It won't appear so much that I like them because I'm going to make fun of my fav characters. A LOT. My life is a paradox. Enjoy the fact that I own nothing! And neither do you! Meaningful rant at end!

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**The Walk Home**

One night in the peaceful little village of Konoha, everything went wrong. Like really wrong. So wrong that even the mightiest, bravest, and emotionless are forever scarred…

What happened on that very screwed up night you ask? Heh, Heh, well… you'll be sorry you asked. Okay, here's what happened… It all started when Neji walked home from practice one day…

"_Finally, no more of those unitard retards and that perky bun headed girl." _Neji thought as he walked home in the dark because apparently it was "youthful" to train until your head was going to explode or until 3 A.M. He dreaded going home just as much as he dreaded going to practice.

As he walked the path alone he heard a noise. He didn't panic, like most knuckleheaded ninjas. He simply used his Byakugan, and scanned the area. Only then did he freak out when saw what he did.

"_What the…?! What's he…?! With…?! Oh my God! What do I do now!? Okay, calm down. You're the genius, you can think of think of something Neji." _He thought and breathed deep. He threw a kunai to his right.

There was a squish sound and someone cried out in pain.

"Come out now!" Neji ordered standing in his usual fighting position. Two figures came out of the bushes.

"Son of a bitch Neji, what'd you that for?!" It was none other than the crack headed Mexican Sasuke Uchiha. He was wearing a long jacket and was all blinged-out

"Why are you here in Konoha?! Weren't you like, kicked out of the village for crack and child abuse or something?! And why are you in the bushes with Naruto?!" Neji demanded.

"Uh… umm… We had some business. But it's none of your concern!" Sasuke said as some crazy music started playing. It was none other than Closer by Nine Inch Nails.

Neji's face went white as he recalled all of the lyrics to that song and what happened the first, and last, time he had heard that blasted song.

--FLASHBACK TIME!--

"Like, OMG! I heart Nine Inch Nails! Dude, turn that up! Mm… I like this saké stuff!" Tenten yelled after drinking too much.

"YES THIS SAKÉ IS VERY YOUTHFUL!! THIS SONG IS VERY YOUTHFUL AS WELL!" Lee yelled as he broke things with his "loopy fist" with no unitard on. You don't want to know what he did have on.

Neji sat in the corner in the fetal position. These people were the only things that put fear in his eyes.

Oh, and Guy… you just don't want to know.

--FLASHBACK OVER!--

"OH MY GOD, TURN THAT OFF!!" Neji yelled have an emotional breakdown.

"Uh… Okay…" Sasuke said as he answered his phone.

(A/N: If you wanna know what the big deal with the lyrics of that song is… look them up. No… WATCH THE VIDEO!! HAHA!! Oh and I'm sorry for what you will see (If you watch the right one). Regretfully I listen to that band all the time. )

"Yo, what up bitch?! How you doing?! I'm doing well! YOU AIN'T GOT THE STUFF?! THEN WHY YOU CALLIN'!? I'M GONNA KILL YOU!! YOU SCREWED BITCH!!" As Sasuke yelled into his phone the other two stared at each other.

"When did Sasuke turn black?" Neji asked and Naruto shrugged. "It's illogical really; he's the whitest character in the whole show."

"I don't know. I guess all that time with Michael Jackson, I mean Orochimaru really screwed him up." Naruto said.

"NO I DO NOT WANT TO MOLEST KITTENS I WANT THE SHIZ! YOU BETTER HAVE IT TOMORROW OR YOU'RE NEXT IN HIS ROOM!!" Sasuke yelled and loud and long "NOOOOOO!!" could be heard on the other side of the line. He hung up and there was long, intense, awkward silence. "What?"

"N-Nothing…" The two stuttered, shivering.

"Uh okay… Back to business, Neji, you never saw me, got it?!" Sasuke said.

"What makes you think I'll listen to you?!" Neji yelled, disgusted.

"Because I have videos of a certain someone at karaoke night at Konoha Klub that I can put on YouTube, that's why."

"Damn you and your video recording cell phone!!" Neji yelled. He sighed. "Fine… I never saw you, now I can I get home? I've been out all night with the unitard twins and the weapon obsessed Mickey Mouse wannabe!!"

"I feel your pain brotha. Peace out." Sasuke said doing the chest pound then peace out sign thing. He jumped up, whacked his head into a tree, and walked off five minutes later.

"Why is the focus of 90 of our show's fandom?" Neji asked crossing his arms and shaking his head.

"He's hot, has that troubled background and hood look, and he's hot." Naruto said.

"…True. Goodnight Naruto." Neji said walking home hoping to just go straight there. But when do thing ever work out the way we plan? Never!

He walked by Ichiraku Ramen Shop. To his surprise it was open!

"Old ramen shop man?" Neji asked as he walked by.

"Oh hi one of the Leaf's shinobi, what are you doing out so early?" Teuchi asked he seemed nervous for some reason.

"I'm going home." He walked away without saying another thing that that crazy old man. Who has their ramen shop open at 3 A.M.?! At least they'll have one customer, that knucklehead. Or was it not a ramen shop this late?

It seemed he was only minutes from home as his next distraction made an appearance.

"What in the blazes?!" Neji exclaimed.

"How's it hanging Neji?" A rather unexcited Gaara asked.

"What are you doing in a tree in my front yard?!"

"Taking a hit."

"Please tell me its literal."

"Nah, man! Fighting is for the lames and the republicans! PEACE IS WHERE IT'S AT!" Gaara said, obviously high. No, not just in the literal form.

"Oh so that's why you stopped killing people! You're a green party hippy now! I knew you used to be a republican! Self and war loving! It fits!"

"Want some of this peace joint?"

"No, thank you. I'm already beaten and abused by the main branch for living and being a democrat. I don't want to be abused anymore."

"I hear ya. PEACE!" Gaara and his sand friend left. Not without walking into trees and hallucinating that Elvis was still alive. His sister, Temari, picked him up by the gourd, after he finally knocked himself out on a tree, and carried him home.

--NEWS INTERRUPTION--

"THIS JUST IN! ELVIS IS _STILL_ DEAD! THANK YOU!" A random news person/announcer yelled as big flashing letters appeared across the screen.

--NEWS INTERRUPTION END--

"Oookkaaayyyy…." Neji said to himself and walked to his house. He finally reached his bedroom door as Hinata came running up to him.

"NEEEEJJJIIIII!! I NEED YOUR HELP!!" She screamed, panting.

"Just use a fly swatter to kill the spider; I'm tired of doing it for you." He said reaching for his door handle.

She paused for a moment and remembered what she wanted him for. "That's not it!"

"I'm not going to help you with your problems with Naruto. He's gay. Get over it." He said opening his door. Hinata burst out into tears and ran away.

"Finally! Some peace and…" He spoke too soon. There, in his bedroom, eating pocky, drinking a lime and pineapple smoothie, wearing pink Happy Bunny pajama's, sitting on his bed, sitting on his in a strange position, sitting in a strange position that looked like it hurt, sitting a strange position that looked like it hurt and freaked Neji out, was…

--SCREEN GOES ALL GRAY AND FUZZY--

"No, don't adjust you television. We are now in complete control of what you see. We control the horizontal and the vertical. We can make you see up to a thousand images at once, or enhance one single image to crystal clarity. This is THE OUTER LIMITS!!" A freaky theme songs starts playing.

(A/N: No I was NOT alive when that first came on. And no, I do not know if that is 100 correct. I just watched it one day with my granny. Now she was there when the TV first was invented! JK LOL!)

--Screen suddenly comes back--

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Neji screamed and ran out of his room stabbing his eyes out. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

The entire clan walked out of their rooms in shock. Not once had they seen Neji in complete panic and fear or heard him scream. They knew something had to be up.

Hinata, the not brave one, didn't know what to expect as she walked up to his door with a crowbar. She looked inside, gasped, and fainted.

Sasuke, who appeared out of nowhere still wearing a long jacket and still blinged-out, looked inside Neji's bedroom. "Itachi? What you doing here?!"

"Hey little brother!!" Itachi squealed. "I thought you were with Michael Jackson, I mean Orochimaru!!"

(A/N: NO ITACHI IS NOT ON MY FAV LIST! END OF STORY! DON'T ASK!)

"And I thought you were in his bed, what are you doing here?!"

"Having a little fun!"

"You just made Neji scream like a little girl and run away… PROPS BRO! PWN IT!" Sasuke did a fist bump with his big brother.

"So what brings you back to our old village?"

"You know business and shtuff."

"That I do."

"I'm a head out, come on bro; get out of here before MJ knows you broke out."

"I should say the same to you Sasuke!"

"Yea, yea, get your pussy ass out of here Itachi."

Itachi scoffed and flipped his hair. "Whatever!" He poof-ed away in a pink puff of smoke.

"So like him…" Sasuke rolled his eyes and poof-ed away as well, and yes, it was pink smoke. Uchiha signature maybe? Well it is now!

And the camera shifts to Neji, who is up in a tree sucking his thumb.

"You sure you don't want some of this peace joint?" Gaara said sitting next to him.

"GIMME THAT!" Neji inhaled and fell out of the tree. Gaara laughed until he couldn't breathe (which was about a minute, drugs damage lungs) and fell out of the tree as well, right on top of Neji.

And that was what happened.

Oh you want to know what happened to them next, do you?! Jesus, you people are pushy!! Okay, next chapter I'll tell you what happened next.

MAYBE!! (Runs away laughing)

(A/N: Now a few words of advice:

**HUGS NOT DRUGS PEOPLE! **Stay above the influence.

I'm going to lose an old good friend to them; I don't want you guys having to deal with the same thing. I am proud to be, DRUG FREE! I do not, and shall not smoke a thing, or drink a thing. ANIME IS MY ANTI-DRUG! Let it be yours. You probably don't care that I'm saying this, but I feel the need to say it. I don't support drug or alcohol use, and it isn't funny in real life. But this isn't real; you guys know that, so just a heads up. A good way to quit is to never start. Sorry if anything in the fic or in my rant offended anybody. Hidden-In-Darkness AKA Kurayami, out.)


	2. ESCAPE!

Uh... did you survive the first chapter? Are you well enough to read this second one? Take a big long breath... Grab some juice and some cookies and prepare yourself for what is to unfold. Good Luck. Hope you get to chapter 3.

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**ESCAPE!**

Okay, so this is what happened after the whole incident. Here is about, I don't know… six hours seven point three eight seconds later, approximately, later. Don't quote me on that.

Neji lay in a hospital while his head is spinning out of control.

"Are you okay?" A nurse asked him.

"Drugs… baaadddd…" He said still kind of out of it.

"We've never seen anyone this bad after just one hit…" The doctor said to the nurse.

"How's the other patient?" The nurse asked to the doctor.

"I don't know about that one. We put him in the white padded room and he's running into the walls cracking his self up. "We don't know if he's going to make it."

"Everyone heals with time." The nurse said thinking positive.

"So it's celebrity rehab then?"

"Of course."

"You know it never works, they just become some other kind of addict."

"I don't know we'll just have to see." The two walked out of the room leaving Neji to suffer the worst headache since the time in second grade on that overnight fieldtrip to this ninja training camp that would show them how real ninja's live. What a load of bull that was.

(A/N: Sorry kiddies, no flashback. Some other time.)

"Got to… break out… and get… aspirin." Neji said to himself sitting up and get off the uncomfortable bed. He looked down at himself to see that he wasn't wearing his own clothes; he was wearing stupid hospital clothes. The colors totally clashed and the fabric smelled like bleach. And he had no shoes on. But why would you have shoes on in bed? He just wanted some shoes. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!

He looked around to find that his own clothes weren't even in the room. Neither was his head band. Or that weird thing he wears underneath his headband that looks like straps. And his hair was down. WHAT DID THESE HOSPITAL PEOPLE DO TO HIM?! HE'D BEEN STRIPPED AND CHANGED!

He felt strange. He didn't like when people could see his freaky green curse mark thing. He didn't like wearing clothes that other people had worn. He wanted to be home, in his own bed.

Scratch that. He never wanted to be in that bed again. He wanted to be home in a new bed. After he burned the one he had now.

Neji went to the window and opened it. He was halfway out the window as the door opened.

"Oh crap!!" Neji said getting himself stuck.

"Hey! Get back in here!" The nurse yelled. She dropped her clipboard, ran over and grabbed his legs.

"Let go of me!" Neji yelled trying to kick at her.

"Don't make me stab a very large syringe into you with stuff to knock you out!"

"I dare you bitch!!" He yelled. It was uncommon for him to swear, but he had all the reasons in the world to be completed pissed off.

"Help!! A patient is trying to escape! Help!!" The nurse yelled.

"Oh… crap!!" Neji said as a stampede of doctors and nurses ran into the room. He kicked the nurse in the face, unstuck himself and ran for it.

Gaara looked out the two inch by two inch window and saw Neji running and being chased by a dozen of doctors and nurses with syringes and knock out darts.

"GO MY BROTHER! RUN FREE! Ooh magical unicorn! CHARLIE! BUST ME OUT CHARLIE!" Gaara said and then hummed the candy mountain song.

"Why me?! Why is ALWAYS me?! What did I do to deserve this?! If only my father was born first none of this would have happened!! NO FAIR!" Neji said to his self as he ran away from the medical staff and dodged knocked out darts. "Maybe I should become a rouge ninja. No, too dangerous. I have it! I should change my name and become a Buddhist monk! No… that would mean I have to shave my head, and I like my hair! I'll just move to America… no one will ever look for me there. No will ever find me either! They're so messed up there I'll blend right in! Wait no… I'm not a cartoon, I'm anime… So that won't work. Maybe I'll just live my life working at Anime-cons and no one will ever suspect that I'm the real thing! I'll just be a look-alike! That's a plan! That's why I'm a genius!!"

"Heeeyyyy!! Neji!!" Naruto said following him in the trees.

"That damn loser!!"

"What are you running from?" Naruto asked now running next to him.

"Lunatics!"

"You look different. Did you get a hair cut?"

"No."

"Then what? Oh! You're wearing hospital clothes!!"

"Leave me alone! I have enough to deal with!"

"Why are you running around in hospital clothes? Where are your clothes?"

"I don't know!"

"Were you in the hospital?"

"Yes now leave me alone!"

"Why?"

"I… I… It's none of your business!"

"Were you hitting the peace join with Gaara? I heard he was in the hospital too after being found in your front yard."

"I… SHUT UP!!" If he didn't have enough of a head already…

"So you were, so that's why doctors and nurses are chasing after you. You escaped from the hospital."

"Leave me alone!!" Neji began to wonder if this was one of those forests like you see in cartoons, but those are usually never-ending hallways not forests. Finally an exit, right into a lake, perfect. He ran right over the lake, Jesus-style.

Naruto who was an idiot forgot he could walk on water fell right in. And the doctors and nurses weren't ninjas so they couldn't do anything and stayed on the bank.

"Finally!! I'm free!" He said looking back. He then looked ahead of him and stopped. "Damn it! Why is it when you say something such as that something else always has to happen?! I might as well say "at least it isn't raining!!" And as he said then it started to downpour. Hard. Like it a typhoon was going to pass over the small man-made lake. "I should stop talking and thinking altogether. It doesn't pay to be a genius."

"I rather like being a genius." Sasuke said STILL wearing that damn long jacket and STILL outrageously blinged-out!

"What do you want Sasuke?!" Neji yelled, now annoyed to the point that he was going to snap and stab someone to death with a spork.

"Chill out man!"

"NO! I WILL **NOT **CHILL! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE BEEN EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, AND PHYSICALLY SCARRED IN THE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS?! DO YOU?!"

"Uh…"

"NO!! YOU DON'T!" Neji started breathing heavily. "First, those damn youthful mother f-ers had me training for thirteen hours and I was out until three in the morning, then I run into you and Naruto making out in the forest!! Then your cell phone rings and triggers the worst flashback ever in my life! Then you threaten to blackmail me with videos from two years ago with me sings at a karaoke club when someone got me drunk!! THEN I RUN INTO THE STUPID RAMEN SHOP MAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AND HE CREEPS ME OUT ALREADY IN THE DAY! THEN GAARA'S SMOKING CRACK IN A TREE IN MY FRONT YARD! THEN HINATA WANTS ME TO MAKE NARUTO STRAIT! THEN ITACHI'S IN MY BED TOUCHING HIMSELF THEN I RUN INTO A TREE AND CLIMB IT AND GAARA GIVES ME CRACK AND I PASS OUT AND THEN I WAKE UP IN A DAMN HOSPITAL WITH MY HEAD THROBBING LIKE CRAZY AND I FIND THAT I'VE BEEN STRIPPED AND CHANGED AND THAT MY CLOTHES, HEAD BAND, THAT WEIRD THING I WEAR UNDER MY HEAD BAND, AND SHOES ARE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND! THEN I TRY TO ESCAPE AND THE NURSE TRIES TO PULL ME BACK INTO THE WINDOW AND I KICK HER IN THE FACE AND RUN AND I'M CHASED BY A DOZEN DOCTORS AND NURSES AND NARUTO FOLLOWS ME AND ASKED ME STUPID QUESTIONS! THEN I RUN OVER THE LAKE JESUS-STYLE AND YOU'RE HERE! AND NOW IT'S RAINING FREAKING BUCKETS!!" Neji said without one breath, and then he started hyperventilating and passed out on the spot.

Sasuke went black for a moment and then rescued the drowning Neji. "Damn, that must have been some day. And wow, that must have been one of the longest rants since The Five Adventures of Sasuke and Midnight at Meijers chapter one and longest describing scene since Ninja Crossing chapter two!!"

(A/N: The Five Adventures of Sasuke and Midnight at Meijers, a fanfic from my first account. Sasuke says this REALLY long rant. Go read, and review, yes. LOVE IT. My other account: XmidnightXcloudX. And Ninja Crossings is a fic on this account. PLEASE read and review that one! It's so pathetic that I need to advertise in my OWN fanfic.)

Naruto came running up sopping wet. "Wow, I heard that whole thing from the other side of the lake. Do you think he'll be okay?"

"I don't know. I think we need to clear his mind."

"How?"

"How else?"

"You don't mean…?"

"Yes I do…"

"Don't you know the risks?!"

"Yes, yes I do. But half of what he said is my fault… And yes, I make it rain."

"Seriously, since when are you black?!"

"I've been chillin' in da hood."

"What hood?! There are no hoods here!!"

"I went to the big D!"

"The…what?!"

"You have to have lived there to know."

"Uh… okay… But you're really going to…?!"

"TO THE KARAOKE BAR! ASAP!!"

--An Hour Later--

Sasuke and Naruto are leaning on each other and walk up to the karaoke mike and sing "I Can't Smile without You." They are oh most obviously drunk.

Neji, who is sober, innocently flips out his new video recording phone, and records the two. Neji also notices that Sasuke left _his _phone sitting on the table and deletes the video from two years ago and replaces it with one of him flipping off Sasuke and in the background of that new video is Sasuke and Naruto singing. He also says "payback bitch!" into the phone while it's recording.

Neji then submits his video of just the two singing to his YouTube account. He then puts it on his MySpace. The video is an instant hit. He then uses his super genius-ness to hack into Sasuke's MySpace. TheEMOkid. Password is ImgonnakillItachi. A baby could figure that out! No… Naruto could figure that out!! He uploads the video of him flipping off Sasuke and his crude remark onto the page and changes his layout and makes everything rainbow colors.

Oh yes, all from his phone. Is it possible? Hell if I care. He's a super genius. That's all normal super genius stuff.

(A/N: I don't have a MySpace or a YouTube and I don't have a video recording cell phone that has internet. I'm so deprived. All of you are like "LE GASP! YOU DON'T A MYSPACE?!" Alas, tis be true, I don't have a facebook either. I don't have anything of the sort. Only a fanfiction account. I don't WANT anything but a fanfiction. It's not that I'm too young. I just don't want it.)

Neji sat back in his chair and smiled. OMG HE SMILED!

"You're right; this did make me feel better." Neji said to himself.

--Random Story One End--

WAIT! What about Gaara?

Well… Okay I'll just do a quick summary instead of using a whole chapter.

Ah! Who am I kidding?! NEXT CHAPTER! GAARA IN REHAB!

MWHAHAHAHA!!

Celebrity Rehab, hey! He might meet Britney!!


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